This post marks the beginning of posts after the revamp period. It goes without saying that this whole thing was much needed, and perhaps also extremely delayed.
Alright, fellow reader you better be prepared for a huge wall of text on life and whatnot that I’ll be spewing out of my brain for the next few minutes. I am definitely going to read this back and get the creeps, but I’ll be damned if I don’t post this.
Initially, this was supposed to be a post about the current standings of the blog after the preliminary revamp transition. And somehow I just couldn’t control it. Sharing experiences, thoughts and emotions became the primary goal.
A person goes through a ton of experiences over the course of their life. Experiences that we would normally classify as either good or bad. Oftentimes what we do is let these experiences dictate our actions and our mood - what we would do next is based off of whatever we have encountered before. Fine way to live life I suppose, but definitely feels as if you’re not in control.
I am no enlightened expert when it comes to life, and I fall prey to the same aforementioned thing all the time. However, I believe making this post in a remote corner of the internet is still a significant contribution to the world, and myself. I didn’t make any posts or any updates to this place for about two years. Within those years, I have had experiences that I can’t put to words, and nobody else can live. These experiences form what I am right now. And I’ll be honest, I don’t know if I want to let go of any experiences just because I think they are bad.
I have gone through like three drafts framing whatever comes next. I know what I want to talk about, but I really don’t know how to put it into words. And I am not sure if this is the best rendition that I can come up with.
Afraid and anxious - perhaps one of the strongest feelings that resonates universally. All of us have been afraid and/or anxious at some point in our life. And more often than not, it’s not just once; it’s a lot of the times. I have no way to talk about this that doesn’t sound like a cliché. It’s the surreal feeling of uncertainty that gets to all of us. Uncertainty about the future, uncertainty about the consequences to some of our actions, uncertainty about how others perceive us, uncertainty about what we’re gonna make of ourselves. We end up spending our time in the present thinking about something we can’t control if we do nothing but just think about it. And what ends up happening is that by the end of it all, you realize you had been running out of time all the while. The final feeling? Regret, remorse, and more anxiety - ready to fuel the next cycle.
I am not here to talk about a recipe to ending this cycle because let’s be honest, all of us are aware of the means to the end. We give ourselves excuses to not achieve said means, and welp there you have it - gotta wait for another cycle to perhaps get it right.
Embracing the uncertainty is difficult, but in my opinion it is one of the greatest ways to let go of that anger and regret that you have against yourself. Accept that you couldn’t control something, but don’t be overly accepting either - you need to have some control over things that you have the ability to control.
Societal norms, expectations, people’s opinions will always be out there. In fact, this whole post? My opinion. I don’t expect you to follow it; I expect you take bits that are useful and relevant to you, and persevere. Let’s say you were using a dictionary. Nobody expects you to read the whole thing, but if you own one, you’re bound to use it to find something that you need.
Just before I was starting to write the third rendition, I was having that same feeling of anxiety - fueled by thoughts of so-many-things-to-do, dissatisfaction and whatnot. The best thing I could do about it: Embrace the feeling, realize that I do have imperfections, and do things that I can do to better myself. And that’s how I came to write this post. Thing is, let that feeling sit there at the back of your mind, and know that you need to work upon yourself. In my opinion, I don’t think I will ever get rid of it because at the end of the day, it’s a signal that I have more to do. And if I just stop and keep thinking about it, I’ll have even more to do.
I want everyone to take pride in themselves and their actions if they have good intentions. Being a decent human being is the least we can do to make meaning out of this life, right? People will criticize you. Accept it. If you don’t agree, move on. If you do agree even a little bit, take what you need, make adjustments, continue. Truth to enlightenment? I am no Buddha. But truth that we all are aware of? We’ve got only one life we can control at the moment, and perhaps making the most of it would turn out to be the last thing we’ll regret.
Message to myself and everyone:
Do nice things just because you can. Have fun, relax, enjoy, do not get sucked into any loop. You don’t know what happens on the ‘morrow, but you sure as well can affect predictions using what you do today. Afraid of the consequences? Well what happens if you do it anyway? Something will happen, it’ll teach you something and you’ll move on. It’s not stagnant at any point in time, and that’s definitely a very beautiful and convenient thing. And also do not expect others to tell you what to do. Sure, take suggestions, but if you become reliant on people, you’re going to be stuck in a bubble wherein you’ll always look out for directions. Love the time that you own, value it, and try not to waste it. Doesn’t mean put yourself into an ever so stressful work routine that you can’t get out of. You want to do things that will make you feel good about yourself and the future predictions about yourself that you have affected. Manage your time to the fullest, and do not let others ruin what you have set for yourself; people aren’t responsible for your time.
The conclusion is quite simple - one of the best feelings is to look back at yourself and cringe because it lets you know that wherever you are, is much farther than where you were. And if you were to give up now, you’d be dying to get back here. Do whatever it takes to get to this feeling. Crazy life, but still your life - can’t get hung up over things for eternity when everything else is moving forward.
Soooo take a deep breath, let that cold shower water hit you, embrace it, and get on with your lovely life. Complete meaningful short tasks to get that boost of motivation, and make your life a game where you just have one chance. I hope you have a wonderful day 😊
I can confidently go out and say that at least 10% of those who read this, even if they agree with things, will encounter feelings reminiscent of cringe. And that’s okay. I have one blog to write on, and I don’t think I want to regret not writing this. Suggestion taken. Moved on.
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